Daily WOW

A surprise load disrupted BC Ferries' operations today when a surprise load filled an entire ferry. While angry passengers muttered ashore, BC Ferries tried to reason that they were a first come first served business. However, the ferry company agreed look into the matter. When investigations came back, it was found that Sumis had been the cause of the ferry overload. Unable to fly, they had had to slip onto ferries to make it back to their forest homes.

BC Ferries apologizes and promises that this will not happen next time; the general public wishes that the nuisance Sumis cause will soon be over. 

 

172 days

Daily WOW

Sumi relives his glory days:

173 days

Daily WOW

Spot the Quatchi:

Hint: He's underwater
174 days

Daily WOWOW

Although the last video was well worth 10 day's worth of WOW's, as a reputable news station, we must remain dependable, daily.
Supposedly, when customers lined up to get their cool drink late afternoon at Little Bean yesterday, a furry hand reached up to receive their money. What's more, the voice that repeated their order was low and scratchy. Unnerved but too thirsty to care, customers continued to line up and receive their order. Many just assumed it was a young boy with a throat problem manning the stand for a day. However, when customers reached for their order, brown hairs could be seen floating in their drinks. Lychee, mint, or toxic waste, every flavour of drink could be united that day by the hairs. One belligerent business man threw his drink at the salesman and demanded that he show himself or he'd call the mall staff. Immediately, the salesman threw up his apron and burst through the side door in a flash of brown and blue hair. The Quatchi, which had only been trying to make a bit of money, was soon arrested but naturally, he escaped the next day. He left a lychee green tea drink on the reception desk.

175 days

SPAM

Don't you feel the breeze right now? That's because you just opened migatree.blogspot.ca. Don't believe it? Close the site and condemn yourself to stuffy stillness. Don't say we didn't warn you. It's as trippy as this photo:

176 days

Daily WOW -King of the Hill

Traffic stopped for a day as the silhouette of a sasquatch loomed eerily on top of the bridge. Business men, families, and pets stayed out of the area; only a couple firetrucks and ambulances stood at the ready at the scene of crime. Police forewarned it that it was liable to be charged with obstruction but the sasquatch stayed stationary. Finally, at nightfall, when the clouds evaporated and the first stars came out, the sasquatch eerily lumbered down the east exit with the sun behind his back. 

177 days

Daily WOW

Is he taunting us? That was the thought as Quatchi made a surprise reappearance for the civilians. This time he sported the bag as a hat (or sunshade) as he popped out behind a pole. The civilans quickly captured a picture (the bag had fallen off his head by now) and the sasquatch hastily ran away, leaving the bag behind. The group was happy to get their bag back but upset the sasquatch was not captured. 

178 days 

Daily WOW

Quatchi was seen trying to escape normal civilians today by sledding down a hill on the bag. The reusable shopping bag had been previously owned by one of the pedestrians so not only was the sasquatch running away from the law but also theft. Although the hill was downhill and the owner of the bag said he was fit, the sasquatch managed to escape. We're not sure how, but we won't let it happen again. 

Somehow he made it through those fields of manure without a sound. 

189 days 

Daily WOW-Under a Bridge

After a long night of rain, a suspicious bundle was found under the local highway pass. Police cordoned off the area and then radioed in their special bomb detonating unit as a precaution.Wrapped in plastic, the police undid the package and instead of a weapon, found a soggy mass of fur. The police took it in for investigation, wondering how to  best investigate the package, but after a couple hours, the bundle dried up and turned into a fluffy sasquatch. The bundle was then returned to the underpass and people are warned away from the area. 

170 days 

Daily WOW-Sasquatch's hair on a GOOD hair day

Jealous? Don't be. Sasquatches need to use 20 different kinds of shampoo just to get their hair to stay on their head. In addition to spiking, varnishing, and smoothing their hair, sasquatches need to show who's boss, too. That is, they have to style it the right way (See: Sasquatch's legs) 

Here's to hoping that you'll one day be as boss as this sasquatch.

171 days 

Daily WOW-IKEA

(We got these pictures from the Internet) 

We went to I-K-E-A today!! The famous Swedish furniture, restaurant, and knick knack store, gripped our hearts with a painful suspense as we rounded the well familiar corner to find that the beloved building had been torn down. Not only was it clearly slated for rebuilding, collapsed sides, rubble hanging midair suspended by wires and mountains of refuse added to the weight of Ikea's lost presence. Luckily, within seconds a NEW Ikea came into view, a short jaunt in the car that reunited us with it in even more, open mouthed splendour. Compared to the broken down Ikea, and our memories of it, the NEW Ikea was sublime. Larger, newer, but the similarly a standout without being flashy, Ikea welcomed us in with sliding doors that whirred efficiently on their tracks. Once inside, wonder took hold again, and for the next couple hours, Ikea became our home.
I know we all want to remember the vivid sections of Ikea but let's not lie, we also want to "get to the goods", don't we?
 Well, to sum it up, Ikea was the same as before, only split onto two levels. Perhaps it had lost some of its magic when we still dreamed of decorating our rooms to our heart's desire and spending the rest of our lives there. But nonetheless, the well organized and stocked store pleased us anew. Though the regular goods welcomed us from the shelves, enough time had passed to make them new again; even more fascinating were the new goods. In particular, the Kludd glass board interested Doms. He said he'd gotten it if only he had realized it was in stock. Now you tell me if we're going back. Also, dorm room goods were scoped out for Em's future party stay at UBC like clothes drying racks but Ems wanted to be sure before we bought anything too big or unnecessary! Ems once again admired the flatpacking and arrows on the floors of the Ikea store. Doms admired this chair:

and this pillow, which is how they ended up in the trunk of our van. We think he's a bit racist in his color choices. Ems Olympic sprinted to find this mirror:  when she saw it on display with a wall full of them (Yes, those display rooms still are pretty good at convincing you that Ikea is boss at decorating and designing)  She got back just in time, making the fastest color choosing decision ever (usually this takes half an hour) This sunny yellow means everlasting sunlight to her. However, Doms and Ems both agreed that these were worth having and remembering although not worth buying:

(More pictures to come with these guys!) 

Oops, but we forgot to mention what we did first, didn't we? When we arrived, after a fun but too long lookabout at Lansdowne (Zellers...eew) it was almost twelve. Famished, we made a beeline for firs the washrooms (well lit and clean) and then the cafeteria. WOW!!! Were we astounded! It was organized just like a cafeteria or buffet, with TWO LEVEL CARTS to place your food!! The whole family couldn't wait to get their food and sit down on any one of the Ikea tables in the Ikea wonderland eating area. Ems got a egg salad sandwich, Doms got a chicken deal, and Moms and Dayds shared a plate of 20 Swedish meatballs and fries. Also, the worker accidentally overcharged us $4, possibly because of the generosity of Dom's server, who gave him an extra piece of chicken, making it look like another meal, so we drank lots of coffee. Boy was that good. The rest of the food was okay, filling but not phenomenally different in taste. The food area though, was a joy within itself. Low hanging lights lighted our table with a second storey view, making us feel like we owned the area. It was a sunny day,  so it felt like we were eating even higher up or even outside. A meal of $25 is less than lum cha, and about the same as Mcdonalds, so guess which deal is the best? 

Well, what's so WOW about this then? Obviously there is a lot of WOW involved in Ikea. However, for the scandalous portion of the WOW, you can bet that there is plenty as well. 

Well, you know Miga...narcissistic to his stuffed core. He took the mirror and was promptly shocked when he saw his reflection. You know how jaw droppingly ugly Miga is backward. Well, that's why we pixelated the image. Miga scared himself, but you don't have it.

That's all for now!

172 days

Daily WOW

Thrift stores were horrified to find a ragged bundle of fur when they emptied collection bins a couple nights ago. They threw it into the garbage bin, which was collected the next day, and the bundle made it all the way to the landfill. Suddenly, the fur ball moved and  jumped off the back of the truck. It was a sasquatch! Tired garbage truck workers watched as the sasquatch zoomed out of sight, with a diaper on its head, all the way down the long empty road towards the distant city. The garbage truck workers admit feeling sorry for him, but could do nothing.

Readers are warned to not donate Sasquatches and simply throw them directly into the garbage or call 1 800 NO MORE SQTCH

173 days

Daily WOW-Caught!

Unlike Sumis, Quatchies aren't so elusive. Perhaps it's because of their hairy nature and superior ability to shed. Following a fur trail, a fellow sasquatch hunter found this sasquatch behind a pole, slapping on a LGMM club poster. Outraged, our brave hunter went to catch him. However, the man confesses only having read the book 13 Ways to Capture Sasquatches, which he hesitantly says only leads one to the sasquatch, not how to capture it. Disappointed, we consoled him but were overjoyed to be able to share his photo with you:

174 days 

Daily WOW

Amazing! Although the sasquatches are hardily forming bulks of fur on the streets in the unprecedented summertime cold, they have somehow found the resources to create propaganda! These posters have been seen mysteriously appearing on telephone posts during the day though not as sasquatch has been spotted, and advertise the same strange club that we have good reasons to believe are also affiliated with Miga and Sumi. Please be safe. 

175 days

Daily WOW-Roaming the Streets

Well, we all know that sasquatches aren't very popular. Hence, they need to live on the street. However, utilities are hard to come by when there is no roof over one's head. This sasquatch thought it'd be a smart idea to slum next to a fire hydrant, to be used as a shower. Sadly, the hydrant, when the sasquatch finally pried it open with the metal band of its earmuffs ten hours later, spurted uncontrollably, launching the sasquatch fifty meters down the road and sirens screaming towards it. The stupid sasquatch then proceeded to observe meekly from the relative safety of a open sewer drain.

176 days 

Daily WOW

EXPLOSIVE NEWS!!

Miga was seen perpetrating heinous crimes last night when he began what is now known as the Lamb Gods of Mass Murder cult. This highly scandalous cult is known to guarantee each subscriber with 15 minutes of worship time of themselves by each member; and a suspiciously $15 monthly subscription. So far, only Miga and Sumi are known to be members of the cult. However, the incident is not isolated. Minutes after its inauguration, Quatchi was seen bowing profusively to Sumi after he claimed that "it was his 15 minutes of time". Shamed and disquited, Quatchi refused to provide any more information about the club. All we know is that outsiders are warned against joining the cult at this time.

177 days 

Daily WOW-SPAMMED!!

For the 50th post, our offices lost control and were spammed by Miga holding a banana threateningly. You can see now why we dedicate our lives to reporting the folies of of these mascots and prevent the same from happening to the masses.

178 days

Daily WOW

To be considerate of our readers, we decided to cover the recent developments in the sasquatch hunt, although there isn't much violence to report. On the Quatchi front, things have been strangely unmoving. That is, sasquatches have been found lying motionless on curb sides, in garden patches, in corners of parks, and most outrageous of all, over dumpsters, as depicted below. It seems that the sasquatch suddenly lost energy after scrambling for food in a dumpster. Although the recent Sumi scandals have abated the fire over them, their situation has in no way lessened the city's fear towards sasquatches, much less evoke feelings of pity. The sightings just confirm that our professional sasquatch hunters and book (See 13 Ways to Capture Sasquatches) are successful and keeping sasquatches out of supermarkets, though the citizens are itching for a bit more action. Well, feast your eyes on this photo until that happens. 

179 days  

Daily WOW

Sure, there were no cancelled classes this time, but students rejoiced all the same when they discovered that the sidewalk had been chalked with answers overnight. Albeit messy, the writing depicts facts and quotes from every subject, proving to be a helping hand to those running to class without having studied the night before. A few chalked in Sumi's could be seen, too, below some of the messages. In reply, many students chalked their thanks after they had taken their exams. 

The cafeteria would like to thank Sumi for chalking in their menu on the sidewalk for all to see, although how Sumi knew about the secretive menu, nobody knows. 

180 days 

Daily WOW

Students were in for a fun day when suddenly slides appeared seemingly out of nowhere, overnight. They appeared in the numerous libraries; in the cafeteria; even in teacher's offices. Though students were wary of them at first, they quickly became accustomed to this new mode of transportation. Students zipped easily from place to place and marks on tests were generally higher on this day than they had been in a long time. If this is truly the work of Sumi, then the students would like to thank him. Big thank you cards and little thank you cards have popped up around campus (we're not sure as to the size of Sumi as he seems to fluctuate between being giant and midget like.) Perhaps an era of rampant mascot fear is being overturned by a furry green ally.  

181 days 

Daily WOW

A mere 24 hours later, mischief strikes again. The vending machines in the same school were miraculously liberated last night-that is, the food inside became an exercise in food jail breaking. There was no need for coins; students only had to push the buttons for their desired snack and the machine released them for free. You can see pictured here a puzzled janitor who is restocking a machine, unbeknownst of the unusual conditions, except that the machines were emptying at an alarming rate. Later that day, a hungry professor was so famished he stumbled right into a machine. Several bags of chips popped free and tumbled down at his feet, which had struck the machine's opening just in time. Realizing something was amiss, he ate the chips, contacted a janitor, and an end was put to the free eating. 

The good people of the school are still speculating if this is really the work of Sumi.

182 days 

Daily WOW

A university of students were surprised today when they saw that their usually crammed to the max shelves were euphorically bare. Classes were cancelled for the day and  students could be seen celebrating everywhere, including in the empty library. For the first time, pizza, drinks, and Sumis were allowed in the prestigious place.

Or at least it was speculated that there were Sumis. Some report seeing something a lot like this leaning against the far yellow wall: 

As we all know, when the mascots paint themselves with fire retardant they can change color and that's suspected to be the case here. He could be either camouflaging himself from spectators or protecting himself from molotov bottles from angry school administrators; which is the more likely, we don't know. But remember, this is all just a speculation; the image is just a computer generation based on eye witness accounts.
The Sumi hunt continues.
183 days

Daily WOW

Once again, mischief rocks the town. But is it sumi? 

All the parking meters were disabled today, to the glee of vehicle owners. Cars parked when and where they pleased for copious amounts of time next to the Sumi green parking lots of the town. In fact, new parking meters popped up with Sumi's face on them. We aren't sure what to think. 

184 days

Daily WOW

Good ole Sumi was interviewed today and asked about how he felt. "On top of the world!" said the furry green midget. "I've got a master plan up my wing sleeves!" Reporters were alarmed but despite pressing questions, Sumi would not give up his plans. Readers are warned that something big is about to happen. 

185 days

Daily WOW

Sumi was seen with this sign today at a local fruit market. Is he just posing for somebody or is he trying to send us a message?

175 days 

Daily WOWWWOWOW EXTREME

Watch the saga of poor Spike being coerced into drugs

Daily WOW Arrested

A cheer could be heard throughout Vancouver as a Sumi was finally arrested having been found on scene of the previous crime (now confirmed to be some kind of fire in a chemical lab) The Sumi flew in seemingly voluntarily in full view of our police team and shot with a tranquilizer immediately. Quickly, our workers found a singed brown feather that matched the one on the Sumi. But soon after, they also found a torch that was much too big for  Sumi to carry. Suspicious, our best police were put forward to provide an explanation for this strange twist. It was easily revealed that this fire was in fact the work of a local gang judging by their horrified reaction when seeing that the torch hadn't burned to a crisp. After only a few minutes of interrogation, the gang admitted that they had been the ones responsible for the recent crimes, committing them for the fun of it under the hate of Sumis. However, they enforced the idea that the paper Sumis hadn't been their doing. Consequently, the gang was put in jail while the Sumi was revived and released. No apology was given to the animal. 

Later that day, a face on a totem pole seemed to have mysteriously morphed into that of a Sumi's in the  Museum of Anthropology. However, anybody who looked too closely at it could see that it was indeed just as it was before. Has the city finally gotten back to normal?

176 days

Daily WOW

An official force has been created to corral the Sumis as today marks the day of a third crime so hideous a section of the city had to be sectioned off. Perhaps we should have responded to the letter the Sumis sent out earlier. Or perhaps, it was only an excuse-as we, Vancouverites, have plenty of experience with following certain sporting events. The crime scene is still being investigated as of now, with the hope of evidence being found before the next crime is committed.  

177 days 

Daily WOW

Unacceptable! That was the only word to describe the Sumi's latest crime. This time was it was indisputable-the Sumis had signed their own names on the trashcans. Not only on these two, but five thousand of them, as well as on the sides of buildings and even cars. Our once beautiful city is now an unkempt canvas to these ruffians. Estimated costs to undo the damage is above $1 000 000 and will hurt the entire city. Yet still not a single sumi has been identified on the scene. However, many gangster looking people have reported seeing brown feathers in the vicinity of the acts of vandalism. 

178 days

Daily WOW vandalism

The Sumi's tactics seem to be endless. Following the dispersion of paper dolls of themselves last night, the city awoke to find that all the bikes left outdoors have been vandalized. One or two wheels of each bike are missing, rendering them useless, and many people were forced to walk this morning to reach their destination. The incident has been called a "insufferable horror". "But how do you know it was the Sumis?" asked some school children who were walking to school. Our reply was, "Who else would  do such an ugly thing?" 

179 days 

Daily WOW

The Sumis have made their second move. Late last night a man tripped over what seemed to be a pop can. Instead, he bent to pick up a paper sumi likeliness. By morning light, the paper sumis had been found all over the country, some with messages scrawled inside, others plain and seemingly unmarked. There has been an estimated thousand sumis dispersed across the land, though many have already been trashed, and seem to have appeared out of nowhere. No matter how many SPIKES we deployed, our cameras came back empty. No matter-the Sumis will surely slip up and reveal themselves sometime. Now we speculate if the Sumis, Migas, and Quatchis are working together, or just lashing out on their own to be recognized again.

180 days 

Daily WOW

Today an ordinary customer ordered from soyummy sushi and noticed that there was no trademark Sumi smile in his sushi. Nor was the quality as good as before. "Have you let go of all your Sumi sushi making slaves?" asked the hungry customer. "I want my regular sushi back."

"This is your regular sushi," said a bemused cashier. "You've been ordering this for as long as I can remember. It's the sumi sushi that's new."

"Well, how can I get more of that? Now!" threatened the the now disgruntled man. Just then, the shop owner swung past them with an expression of nonchalance on his face. "They've disappeared," he said, his tone belying nothing. "The Sumis-they're gone without a trace."

Reporters note that this time they have not even left a note, as they have previously in our offices. We suspect this is the beginning of something bigger, possible a rebellion. 

181 days